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Your STBX wants to push everything to a high-stakes deadlock and refuses to ever compromise on anything. They convince themselves that any compromise you suggest will purposely result in a loss for them. They also tend to believe that the more difficult they can make the process, the more you will suffer and the more they will remain relevant.
For many couples divorcing, the pain is so severe they want to cut their losses and head for the hills to heal and rebuild their lives. When dealing with a high-conflict personality the goal becomes achieving relevance through revenge. Total destruction of the other party becomes the sole focus. They may vow to destroy the other person mentally, emotionally, and financially. Potentially attempting to ruin the parent/child relationship through alienation tactics as well. Your STBX is not behaving rationally or fairly and sidelines all of the usual concerns in a divorce, focusing instead on their path of destruction.
If your STBX has difficulty with the truth and is dedicated to slandering you, it will make your divorce the perfect storm. They will spin a web of false allegations, using people around them, even friends of your own, often referred to as "flying monkeys", to assist in fabricating or further promoting their narrative. This constant smoke screen makes it difficult for court officials to see through to the real issues. Their lack of a moral compass has you questioning their veracity consistently.
At the beginning of your case there are likely to be temporary orders put into place by the court, often concerning custody and visitation. If your STBX is violating these orders (even manipulating them in small ways) you can pretty much guarantee they will continue to treat the entire process with the same level of blatant disregard. Contempt will likely continue after the divorce is finalized, resulting in an ongoing set of problems for years, as you try to collect support, facilitate visitation, and follow a parenting plan.
Your STBX employs strategies whereby they intentionally display to the child unjustified negativity aimed at you (and/or a new spouse, your friends, and family). They intentionally do this to damage the child's relationship with you and anyone close to you.
Signs of PA: Constant badmouthing, painting you as dangerous/mentally ill, sharing custody issues with the child(ren), restricting visitation, limiting calls/communication.
Your STBX has hired an attorney who is notoriously a "shark", they are known for filing a lot of motions and really dragging out the divorce process. Often people going through a divorce are overcome by strong emotions that cause them to act out. If they are not able to cope with those emotions effectively, they may seek to hire an attorney who is willing to help them fight over even the smallest things. They may also intentionally have their attorney drag out the divorce process to bankrupt their spouse, or cause further emotional damage.
Through your own experience of reading Bare, you will find Raina’s unique roadmap to resilience, self-discovery, and empowerment. Included are practical tools and heartfelt guidance to help you rewrite your own story and step into a life of purpose, passion, and boundless joy. This isn’t just a book. It is a lifeline.
-Learn valuable tips for communication
-How to deactivate your nervous system
-Check in on your mental health
It is time we start changing the narrative, normalize parallel parenting, and start healing on day 1 of divorce! Dive into this episode to find out how!
If you are needing extra support, please feel to reach out! I am here to make this journey feel less isolating and more empowering.
Can healing and co-parenting co-exist? Expert guidance fostering emotional wellbeing by mastering the art of peaceful communication, setting boundaries, and regulating your nervous system.
Copyright © 2023 Dr. Courtney Coaching/The Divorce Co, LLC - All Rights Reserved.
*Courtney is not a mental health practitioner or attorney Her opinions, posts, and advice are strictly her opinion based on her personal experience and training.*
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